UMB’s antidote for the lonely, lost, and lovelorn.

If you have a question, e-mail our resident counselor at [email protected].

This week’s advice…

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Dear Kingpin,

I have been reading your column for the past couple weeks, and I’ve noticed that you have really focused on love advice. I was wondering if you would be able to branch out and help me with another type of issue that I am having. I want to run for the student senate next year. How can I ensure that Iam elected to the office I want to occupy?

Sincerely,

Mr. Ambitious

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Dear Mr. Ambitious,

Seduction is not just useful in love. Learning to seduce effectively is a skill that encompasses all areas of life. Outside of a romantic relationship, seduction can help you be a better friend, better boss, better co-worker, etc. That said, the best politicians have been unparalleled seducers. John F. Kennedy, Talleyrand, Henry Kissinger, and Benjamin Disraeli are merely a few of the best. Kennedy created an idealized image for the American populace. Talleyrand appealed to Napoleon’s inferiority complex about not being aristocratic to gain immense power. Kissinger was able to charm even the most antagonistic advisory, and Benjamin Disraeli gained near-complete control of the British government by soothing or inflaming Queen Victoria’s ego as the situation required.

If you want to win your place in the senate, follow the example of these historic characters. Yes, be concerned with the issues, but never loose sight of the fact that all power comes out of personal interactions. Make your public feel like they know you. Give them an image they love, and they cannot help but give you what you want.

Avoid political debates as much as possible unless you know that you can control the outcome. (Make sure that your chosen image is enhanced by the debate, not diminished by it.) A safer way of gaining the position you desire so badly would be to arrange to have the press and the public see you performing an act that affirms your public persona. Help the homeless. Get involved in student center projects that stir an emotional response in your favor. Find a way to organize an event that is fun and entertaining for the student body where you are the center of attention in some way, shape, or form. Good luck, and hopefully we will be seeing you firmly in power in the fall.

Sincerely,

The Kingpin