September 248:15 a.m.: A medical assist was needed in the catwalk between the Science Center and the Campus Center. The person was taken to the hospital by ambulance.

2:16 p.m.: A larceny was reported in the Clark Athletic Center. Well, well. What a surprise.

3:52 p.m.: Someone reported a breaking and entering in the Science Center. Putting together our collective brain cells at the Mass Media (yes, all four and a half of them), we’ve found out that a breaking and entering is essentially the same thing as a larceny, except for in an office as opposed to an open area.

September 254:26 p.m.: A medical assist was required in the McCormack building. However, the person refused medical attention, and was on their way. It must not have been that bad.

September 268:23 a.m.: Another breaking and entering was reported in the Science Center. Apparently, our previous larcenist decided to heed Emeril Lagasse’s advice and kick it up a notch. Watch yourself.

2:03 p.m.: One more breaking and entering for the week, this time in the Campus Center. Trying to shake ’em off your trail, eh?

September 275:22 p.m.: Three kids were throwing rocks and broke a window of the Clark Athletic Center.

September 298:35 a.m.: There was a report of a disturbance in the Beacon Lot. There was a hockey tournament scheduled at Clark, but it got canceled. Someone tried to get their money back, but couldn’t and caused a ruckus. I hope it was worth it.