October 1 2:00 p.m.: Someone reported harassment in Wheatley Hall however it was determined not to be a police matter and the incident was sent to the dean of students.

8:00 p.m.: A fire alarm went off in the Science building but after a little investigation it turned out to be a false alarm caused by a mechanical error. To everybody’s great relief the Bass fantasy coffin by Kane Kwei was undamaged.

October 211:05 a.m.: Four cars were involved in an accident in the north lot causing property damage to all four vehicles. Seriously, how do you cars get into an accident in a parking lot? Oh, that’s right, the drivers go to UMass Boston.

1:40 p.m.: Larceny was reported in the Science building. Someone obviously missed the day of kindergarten when they taught that stealing is wrong.

October 310:32 a.m.: A medical assist was called to the early learning center. An ambulance arrived, but the person in question refused medical attention, a decision they’ll regret for the rest of their lives. Really, how often do you get a chance to ride in an ambulance?

October 411:15 a.m.: Another medical assist was called for, this time at the Science building. However by the time police arrived the allegedly injured was gone. Hmm, could it be we have a mystical healer on campus? 1:17 p.m.: Apparently not. Just two hours later an ambulance was sent to the JFK Museum and treated the party. Columbia Point still searches for a hero.

2:15 p.m.: Apparently someone decided to take a book out of disgraced congressman Mark Foley’s book. Someone in Wheatley Hall reported receiving harassing emails. A report was filed, but no word on the contents of the emails.