Watching the President get tossed peanuts by a Che Guevara sympathizer hours after being briefed on the Brussels attack left some foreign leaders with mouths agape.
President Obama said the following of his decision to stay in Cuba to watch the Tampa Bay Rays take on the Cuban national team: “We will do whatever is necessary to support our friend and ally Belgium in bringing to justice those who are responsible. [The] whole premise of terrorism is to disrupt people’s lives.”
Obama also compared the attacks to the Boston Marathon bombings, saying one of his most powerful memories and “proudest moments as president was watching Boston respond. I know a little something about being on the ropes. My uncle—I remember seeing the schadenfreude he’d get when he’d land a clean 1-2 in a drunken meander. He used to tell me, ‘You got no chin!’ Well in Nigeria, we have this saying: ‘It’s better to dream of lions than to wake with sheep.’”
After careful deliberation and chary discussion, President Obama announced that the U.S. Department of State will send John Kerry to Belgium to join European leaders in talks of preventing another attack. Kerry will assist Belgian officials in negotiating peace talks. Said Kerry, “It is important not to overreact and to remain calm.”
Secretary Kerry noted he will bring his rain stick to guide talks, adding, “If ISIS doesn’t have a seat at the table—or a chance to hold the stick and talk, they will crumble.”
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, reportedly holding hostages at an undisclosed basketball court in Harlem, was quoted as saying she intended to “whip, whip up some ISIS,” and in regards to Belgian leader Charles Michel, “It goes down in the PM.”
From his hospital bed in Forbidden Boys Ranch, a bruised and battered Ted Cruz said he was not surprised at Obama’s choice to stay in Cuba. “What we have here is war with radical Islamic extremism and the lack of response to that ideology by this administration. That threatens the existence of peaceful nations across the world.”
Holding a small rally of pigeons and crows, Senator Bernie Sanders was critical of the U.S. response, saying, “The problem here is that the U.S. is still chained to the idea of this imperialistic 1950’s jingoistic foreign policy. I don’t know where they get their ideas from. Huh, they think the President smashes a shiny red button, pulls and antenna out of his secret serviceman’s shoe and shouts, ‘Get Kerry on the horn,’ like that’ll fix anything? No, I think not [Anderson]. I know the Secretary [Kerry] very well, but I do have my doubts.”
International response to the attacks were far more nuanced and foreign. While speaking at the funeral of deceased RT reporter, Russian President Vladimir Putin expressed concern to the attacks throughout Europe. “Terrorism knows no borders and threatens people all over the world.”
Prime Minister of Israel Benjamin Netanyahu praised the people of Brussels for their “tremendous resolve,” noting he would increase Palestinian settlements in a statement of solidarity.
Obama is expected to have an announcement regarding the issue later in the week said a White House spokesperson.