Monday, April 7

6:50am-Campus police responded to a breaking and entering, which took place in the Wheatley Cafeteria. Desperate times, weird eating habits.

12:28pm-Misinterpretting the label, an individual broke into a Coke machine in the Science Center. Honestly, the editorial about crack machines on campus was a joke.

5:37pm-The alarms accidentally went off in the McCormack Building. It was checked out, and everything was just fine and dandy.

Wednesday, April 9

9:47am-A student upset with a grade proceeded to harass a professor in Wheatley Hall. The student quickly abandoned their passionate tirade and skeddadled when they realized campus police had been called.

6:08pm-A larceny occurred in the McCormack Building. The property was probably not anything special, as the owner obviously wasn’t paying close attention to it.

Thursday, April 10

10:29am-Medical assistance was needed in the McCormack Building after a student fainted in class.

12:06pm-An individual with complete disregard for the rules pulled the fire alarm in the rear of Wheatley Hall. Rebel.

4:56pm-The student who previously pulled the fire alarm was not a jerk, but psychic, as an actual fire occurred in Wheatley Hall in a trashcan.

5:41pm-A car was vandalized on University Drive East. Oh, the humanity.

Friday, April 11

3:08pm-A robbery occurred in the Service Building, which really, really, really sucks.

Saturday, April 12

3:53pm-Someone stole items from a locker room in the Clark Athletic Center, an example of the disturbing trend of stalkers sniffing sweaty articles belonging to the object of their affection.