72°
UMass Boston's independent, student-run newspaper

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

Winter Welcome Week Hosts Comedy Show

At+the+end+of+the+six+months%2C+his+probation+officer+took+him+and+another+boy+to+Wendy%26%238217%3Bs+for+lunch.+The+10-year-old+had+learned+his+lesson.+If+he+beats+up+white+people+he%26%238217%3Bll+get+to+go+to+Wendy%26%238217%3Bs.%0A

At the end of the six months, his probation officer took him and another boy to Wendy’s for lunch. The 10-year-old had learned his lesson. If he beats up white people he’ll get to go to Wendy’s.

 

 

UMass Boston students were treated to a comedy show in the Campus Center Ballroom as a part of Winter Welcome Week. The show featured comedians Marc LaMotte and Kyle Grooms.

LaMotte started the show off with a cautionary tale, warning the audience that when checking in to a hotel, don’t let the first thing you ask the concierge be, “Is there hand lotion in my room? I’ll need it for my hand.”

LaMotte, a Georgia native, is not used to Boston’s wintertime conditions, which chapped his hands on his way from Logan Airport to the hotel. What did you think he was going to use the hand lotion for?

He shared humorous stories about his time in college, his friends and his wife and kids. He also poked fun at himself, claiming that people don’t think he’s in shape because he’s short and stout.

He said, “If you’re 6’9 and 200 pounds, people think, ‘Oh! You must play basketball!’ But if you’re 5’9 and 200 pounds, people think, ‘Oh! You must like cookies!’”

After Lamotte finished up, Grooms, an 18-year stand up veteran, took over the mic. Grooms, who had a brief stint on The Chappelle Show before it ended, teased the noticeably small audience by telling them they “gotta laugh twice” and “if there were any less people, I’d be talking to myself.”

Grooms told funny stories about his college years, where he had sex for the first time. He described college as a “freaky time.”

He reminisced about the time he was put on probation at 10-years-old, after having beaten up a fellow 10-year-old who was bothering his female cousin.

Police came to the scene and two weeks later Grooms’ mother received a letter in the mail saying he was being charged with assault and battery. The 10-year-old-Grooms explained to his mother he didn’t understand because he “didn’t have any salt or batteries.”

At the court hearing, a lawyer asked Grooms if the boy he punched turned red, to which he replied, “All white people turn red when you hit them.” Everyone in the court laughed, but Grooms still got six months probation.

At the end of the six months, his probation officer took him and another boy to Wendy’s for lunch. The 10-year-old had learned his lesson. If he beats up white people he’ll get to go to Wendy’s.

The SAEC plans to have more comedians coming to UMass Boston in the spring. If you can’t wait until then, there will be a student-performed comedy show March 7 in the Snowden Auditorium.