With classes starting, now is the perfect time to get going and indulge in couch potatoing. After all, there’s the whole rest of the semester to do classwork. Being a couch potato is beyond a lifestyle. It is not art. It is not a way of life: it is life.
Sitting on a couch and being a wormhole for TV, video games, internet, and snacks is not a choice one makes, but a gift one is born with. A divine treasure the couch potato gods bestow upon only a chosen few every couple of decades or so.
There are many who believe they are a couch potato. Imposters!
Some have a false belief that a few nights of sitting on a couch binge-watching the latest fad TV show and eating junk food is “couch potato” life. These pretenders are only on a mini-vacation from being healthy contributors to society.
Couch potatoing is an all-consuming life force and the true ones embrace it. To be fully appreciative, let’s take a look back at the greatest couch potatoes from the past.
There is Tim “Potato Chips” McLeary, the man who got the nickname because he ate nothing but potato chips for all three meals of the day. Hunger between meals was suppressed with chips, too. Delivery trucks unloaded crates of chips daily at his house: Tostitos, Utz, and his favorite — Doritos. How wonderful would it be to see how he would react today upon hearing of Taco Bell’s Doritos Locos Tacos? It would like the moment Romeo first saw Juliet. 
The term “couch potato” was created to describe how McLeary lived. He was a man that claimed, “Why leave the couch? I can see everything from my TV.”
His body shape resembled a potato. He was shrouded in mystery and rumors. Rumors like he was conceived when a television had sex with a potato.
Couch potatoing could start and end with McLeary. Nothing compares to the legendary Tim “Potato Chips,” but there have been others, like Sandra “Surfer.” She was able to channel surf faster than anyone in recorded history. Even with today’s technology, no one even comes close to her speed.
There’s Nate Haywood who coined the phrases popular with couch potatoes: “Don’t just sit there! Turn on your TV,” and, “If I don’t slouch on my couch then I’ll be a grouch.” Haywood’s couch is now roped off for display in Newark, N.J.’s Couch Potato Museum because of the fossil-like imprint of his butt in the cushion.
There have even been celebrity couch potatoes who were unaware of their true nature until the end of their lives, specifically Orson Wells and Elvis Presley. They tried to live active lives, but they were true couch potatoes.
Yes, go ahead and be a couch potato before it’s the middle of the semester and you have to actually start doing work. As the couch consumes you, the grease-covered (as a result of hands elbow deep in a bag of chips) remote control, and the container of onion dip balancing on your stomach, remember to give thanks to a dynasty of people before you who did absolutely nothing.