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The Mass Media

Choosing more realistic walk up songs for the 2014 Red Sox

If+the+Red+Sox+offense+becomes+too+hard+to+watch%2C+just+move+behind+a+pole+and+wait+for+the+inning+to+end
If the Red Sox offense becomes too hard to watch, just move behind a pole and wait for the inning to end

If you’ve been to a Red Sox game recently (or ever), you’ll notice that each batter and most pitchers have their own theme music that plays every time they appear, more commonly referred to as their “walk up song.” Most of these songs are either something the player likes to listen to, a play on words involving their name, or something with lyrics about how awesome they are. Given the Red Sox struggles this season, perhaps it’s time to reevaluate some of the most egregious under-performers’ walk up songs and provide more fitting options.
Dustin Pedroia
Current song: Still D.R.E.– Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg
New song: Mo Money, Mo Problems– The Notorious B.I.G.
Pedey is still an elite defender, but he is having a rough season at the plate and on the base paths. Pedroia is on pace for career lows in RBIs, home runs, batting average, and steals in 2014, and this is after signing a $100 million extension last season.
Jonny Gomes
Current song: The Boys are Back– Dropkick Murphys
New song: Hero– Mariah Carey
We all know that Jonny Gomes was the reason that we won a championship last year. After all, everywhere he goes, that team wins, it’s not like it’s a coincidence or anything crazy like that. The journeyman outfielder has become the de facto spokesman for the Sox, even though he plays part time and has basically lost his job to a third baseman. He’s a hero, but unfortunately he’s lost the key to the phone booth so far in 2014.
Mookie Betts
Current song: I’m Good– YG
New song: Chump– Green Day
This may seem harsh, seeing as the first line of that song is “I don’t know you, but I think I hate you.” But it’s just frustrating when a AA second baseman is playing center field for the major league club before the All Star Break in a season in which they were supposed to contend. Sorry Mookie, I hope you can understand.
Stephen Drew
Current song: Hillbilly Deluxe– Brooks & Dunn
New song: Awkward silence
Sorry Stephen, you don’t get a song. How about batting more than .136, then we’ll talk.
Daniel Nava
Current song: I’m Good– Trip Lee
New song: I’m Not Okay– My Chemical Romance
I don’t know what you are at this point but you’re not good, not even a little bit. You’re hitting .218 this year. This song needs to change ASAP, otherwise the Sox may get slapped with a class action lawsuit for false advertising.
Shane Victorino
Current Song: Three Little Birds- Bob Marley
New Song: Hurt- Johnny Cash
Gone are the days of “every little thing is gonna be alright,” or at least as it refers to Victorino’s health. The star right fielder from 2013 has only played in 22 games so far this season. That’s fewer than Jonathan Herrera. Victorino has been hit with setback after setback and hasn’t been fully healthy really since the middle of last season, so Hurt is fitting. 
AJ Pierzynski
Current Song: AJ Scratch– Curtis Blow
New Song: Slow Down– Selena Gomez
Honestly, who would win a race around the bases? AJ Pierzynski or William Howard Taft? What about AJ Pierzynski vs. Usain Bolt, only Bolt isn’t allowed to use either leg? Chris Christie could lap AJ by the time he makes it to second. Slowest baserunner on earth, I can’t prove it but when you’re the slowest guy on a team with David Ortiz on it, that’s saying something.
Have a suggestion for a new walk up song for any Red Sox player? Email [email protected] or tweet it to @Jmael2010. 
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