As we creep closer and closer to the end of the school year, many of us are starting to worry more and more about what we’ll do once our time here at UMass Boston is complete. Sure, you might be one of the lucky ones with an engineering degree, or perhaps you have dreams of med school. Your path is laid out for you, just be sure that you keep dotting your I’s and crossing your T’s, and you’ll be fine.

However, for the rest of us—the English majors, the Studio Artists, the Theatre Geeks, the unwashed masses—our paths aren’t quite so clear. And so, as we venture out into that brave new world without a map, we have to make every move carefully, plot our course wisely, and, perhaps most importantly, remember not to wear sweat pants to job interviews. To make this metamorphosis from lowly college student to contributing-to-society adult easier, here are The Mass Media’s Career Do’s and Don’ts.

Do: Spend a lot of time thinking about what type of career you’re interested in.

Don’t: Think too much about how you’re probably going to wind up sitting in a cubicle, regardless of what you want to do.

Do: Remember that your parents will always be proud of you, no matter what you do.

Don’t: Forget that this doesn’t apply if you’re the headlining dancer on Tuesdays at The Glitter Factory.

Do: Proofread your resume for spelling and grammatical errors, and make sure all your contact information is accurate.

Don’t: Put your email on there, if your email is still [email protected].

Do: Attend career fairs.

Don’t: Ask if your Wonder Woman costume is considered “business casual.”

Do: Plan out a short self-promotional speech you can give when meeting potential employers.

Don’t: Plan out a short self-promotional stand-up comedy routine making fun of TPS reports. (You’re going to be filling them out, regardless of where you work. Just ask Kevin Youkilis, the Greek god of walks/accounts payable).

Do: Buy a nice suit (or pantsuit) for interviewing in.

Don’t: Buy a nice suit (or pantsuit) for interviewing in that’s made out of crushed velvet.

Do: Research the company you’re interviewing with, and the person you’ll be talking to so that you can speak intelligently about what they do, and how you can be of value to them.

Don’t: Accidentally get a restraining order against you by stalking your interviewer.

Do: If needed, take a shot of whiskey to settle your nerves before an interview, like the 2004 Red Sox.

Don’t: Drink an entire case of Budweiser to settle your nerves before an interview, like the 2011 Red Sox.

Do: Talk about how you’ve been the president of different clubs.

Don’t: Talk about being the president of the “Pokémon Appreciation Club” in elementary school.

Do: Have fresh breath when you go to job interviews.

Don’t: Ask the interviewer “How many pieces of Trident do you think I can fit in my mouth at once?”

Do: Negotiate for a fair salary.

Don’t: Do this by saying “I want to make it rain cheddar.”

Do: Follow up all job interviews with a thank you note.

Don’t: Follow up job interviews that went badly by mailing a sack of dog doo to the CEO.

Do: Graciously accept a job offer that meets your criteria.

Don’t: Think about how, now that you’re in the real world, there’s no such thing as “graduation”, just a series of soul killing moments that are so subtle you won’t even realize it until you’re 50 and you look back and realize that the last 30 years of your life has been a total waste, and that, man, you really should have just bought a van and followed Phish like you had wanted to back when you entered college, when you still had hopes and dreams and your whole life ahead of you.