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The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

Campus Courting

This is the first installment of the Mass Media’s new sex and dating column. Let me introduce myself. My name is Queen Roxanne, and I would love to assist any of you with your needs and questions regarding dating, flirting, courting and sex here at UMass Boston. This column is called “Campus Courting” because being classy and respectable is very much “in” in the dating scene these days. Gone are the days of dorm room romps created from tequila shots – although these may occur sporadically – I advise you to steer clear of such situations if you’re interested in something meaningful and want to avoid the walk of shame. Queen Roxanne is here to make sure you stride with pride. If you are in a situation where you want to avoid the beer goggled guy or gal whose bed you woke up in, and whose apartment you snuck out of, creeping past his roommates, then UMass ain’t half bad. There are a lot of nooks to hide and corners to duck into. I’d be careful with the random ill-advised hookups with people at UMass because having a reputation at a commuter school is unpleasant. It will only make people wonder what you’re like at home. No one wants to be the bicycle!Since this is a commuter school it means most of the time you are here on campus you are sober and serious. This is good because UMass interactions are real and most of the women and men you come in contact with aren’t too falsified. Most women do not wear stilettos or sparkling tank tops to class, and most guys aren’t trying to get a quick hand job behind the Quinn building (I said most). There is a true freedom here at UMass because it is commuting, you choose your associations outside of school. At dorm colleges, you might be stuck with the people who live around you non-stop. I’m planning to answer any students’ burning questions as soon as you send them in. But, without any specific questions I scanned our campus, eaves-dropped on various conversations and talked to some friends. Apparently spring has sprung, if you know what I mean. Life is changing for all of us in so many ways: we’re thawing out, we’re coming out of the hibernation that winters in Boston cast upon us – we’re alive! Sexy ladies are prancing through the campus in flowing bohemian skirts and the dudes are bursting out of their muscle shirts. There are a lot of muffins laying out on that grassy knoll, flexing their muscles playing frisbee, jamming on the guitar, and playing hacky sack – Hot damn! It’s a shocker when you see the seemingly prudish gal who’s sat next to you all semester shed her sweater -you never noticed her attributes did you? So if you find yourself sitting in class distracted by hot babes, I’m sure you will start ask yourself: “where’s my fox?” A friend of mine asked me the other day how to go about talking to a chick in class and getting her to hang with him outside of class without looking like a tool. Here is a list of fun and friendly activities on or close campus that could lead to broadening the horizons of your love/sex life.

1. If there is a smart cutie in your class ask him or her if they have some spare time to informally tutor you (do this even if you understand the subject). You need to get this person outside of the classroom. During a free half hour go to the Wit’s End café, buy them a coffee and maybe split something cute like a cookie (most people will not say no to cookie). If the chick refuses a cookie she may be dieting, if so let her know her body looks good and a cookie won’t hurt. If a girl wants to slim down, and you tell her that she can eat a cookie (even if she doesn’t) it will make her feel good. Spend a little money buddy, even if you’re broke a cup of coffee won’t kill you.

2. If you smoke and he smokes – bum a cigarette from them. Start conversation. If you ask someone for something you get his attention, a little pleasant distraction. He will remember you. Get this smoker back with a square the next day. This works with gum, mints, and lighters too. I don’t approve of smoking, but if you’ve got a crutch, lean on it. For smokers, butt breaks are very important. If you spend some cooling out time together, it will feel good for both of you, and he will associate you with calming coolness.

3. UMass Boston has free sailing lessons! This is a wonderfully active event. No one wants to go on their first sailing lesson alone so suggest it to someone you’re interested in. They are really fun, you get to be out on the gorgeous water, it’s fun and liberating and lends itself to a lot of laughs. The wind will be ripping so ladies if you’re not into messing your ‘do up then I’d steer clear of sailing. But, honestly a woman with her hair blowing in the wind is quite beautiful. Also, if you’re a bit shy there is an instructor to keep conversation going. This is a hot idea!

4. The Banshee is the bar closest to UMass and it’s not half bad. If you’re not a driver I’d suggest to go there with a classmate you’re interested in. If a person you’re interested in realizes that a commuter-school relationship is fun and easy to do they’ll be into it. Hanging out with someone outside of school just one or two times can make a vast difference in your dynamic. The Banshee is cheap and there is an upstairs with couches and dim-lighting; not romantic, but intimate. If you’re daring bring a small tablecloth, a few candles and your laptop with a sweet play list that she’ll like (not all girls like Kelly Clarkson, so do some research). You can turn a dive into divine in no time! Effort pays off!

5. UMB students get free passes to the MFA. The Science Museum and the Aquarium have great discounts for UMB students. Buy your tickets at Student Life. Is there a sweet girl in your class who thinks sea lions are adorable? Well she won’t say no to checking some out with you. These opportunities are so clutch for us – it creates a perfect date/getting to know you scenario. It lends itself to self-expression, intelligent conversation, and isn’t a banal and obvious dinner & movie. Be creative. If you’re in poetry class, go to a reading together. Theatre class? Go see a play together.

6. If you’re really shy then just friend them on Myspace. Write them a message (not creepy or too revealing, make them wonder) Oh and make sure your pictures are sexy and intriguing! One more thing – even though finals are coming and life is stressful and annoying – if you’re interested in people around you don’t show them an annoyed, frustrated, or pissed off attitude because it is quite unattractive and it foreshadows what you’ll be like in a relationship if you are angry. If you can be cool and calm during these stressful times it will draw in some positive attention; people will find solace in your attitude.

Yes, it is spring! People want to go at it like rabbits. Have discretion, get to know the person you’re interested in, so you don’t end up stuck with a chick whose severe PMS leads to frequent public flips outs, or a dude you didn’t notice had no other friends and leers at your room mate in her gym shorts. Okay! Be safe little thumpers!