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The Mass Media

The Mass Media

Ms. Allure

I have got this friend. She is wonderful. I love spending time with her. Really, she may be the coolest person I have ever met. There is a bit of a problem, though. She has a really cool boyfriend. Their relationship is long distance. I say this meaning that he lives beyond the Mississippi. At times I feel like I fill in as a surrogate boyfriend, being there for her when he cannot. Really, what I would like is to be her real boyfriend. I don’t want to lose her as a friend. Is there anything I can do? -Alone in Allston

Dear Alone in Allston,

This is a really tricky situation. At first one would consider the obvious; tell her how you feel. Of course, things are not as black and white as they seem. I think there are two important issues that you should consider. One, why is your friend in a long distance relationship? Is it because she’s potentially commitment-phobic or because she really cares for this lone-star cowboy? Once you answer this question you can access your next step. If the answer to this question is commitment phobia, then proceed with caution. At least for the time being you have a good friend whose company you can enjoy. You don’t want to ruin this. On the other hand if she really cares for this guy, proceed with an even greater caution. She may wonder why you befriended her in the first place or why you allowed yourself to get so close knowing there was another man in the picture. Anyhow, honesty is the best policy. So if you are really good friends, tell her the truth gently, or give her a scenario about a friend in a similar situation, and see how she reacts. And lastly, I know that you claim to really like her. But first remember to examine yourself. Make sure you do not only like her because she is unavailable or because you see all the effort she puts into her other relationship and you wonder if that could be you. Remember, at times friendship is as good as it gets. So once again, proceed with caution. And if you say you really like her, be fair to her. And while in the process of being fair and stay true to yourself.

Yours Truly,Miss Allure

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