November 510:43 a.m.: A call for a medical assist was made from the Administration building, as someone lost consciousness. The person was transported to the hospital.

12:01 p.m.: A call for a medical assist was made from the Ryan Lounge in McCormack because someone was having trouble breathing. The party refused medical attention.

November 62:22 p.m.: A suspicious person was reported in the Healey Library, but was gone on arrival. Sorry about that…it’s hard to keep our editor-in-chief under lock and key sometimes. That creeper.

4:09 p.m.: A suspicious person was once again reported in the Healey Library-they came back only a couple of hours later. A report was filed. Well, at least it wasn’t a 13-year-old boy looking up porn on the computers.

5:27 p.m.: A medical assist was made in McCormack when someone suffered from a seizure. A report was filed, but the person refused medical attention.

9:13 p.m.: A larceny was reported in the McCormack building. FINALLY! I’ve been waiting for one of these to come up. Larcenies are my favorite. You know why? Because they prove the stereotype that college students are irresponsible.

November 79:32 a.m.: A report of vandalism/malicious destruction was filed when someone broke a chair in anger in the Healey Library. Maybe they were practicing for their WWE audition?

12:45 p.m.: A larceny was reported in the Science building. All right, now this is just ridiculous. There’s usually a total of, like, seven people in the Science building at all times, and people’s stuff is still going missing.

3:14 p.m.: A call of vandalism/malicious destruction was made when someone sprayed a fire extinguisher in the Science building. Nothing like reliving all the scenes in 80s high school movies that you never took part in.

November 82:09 p.m.: A false fire alarm went off in the Healey Library.

2:21 p.m.: A larceny was reported in the McCormack building. I hope it wasn’t something expensive. Oh, wait. Yes, I do, because if was expensive, maybe it’ll teach you to not leave it lying around anymore.

November 1011:09 p.m.: Campus police had to assist the state police at the traffic lights. There was a two-car accident after the Common concert.

November 111:28 p.m.: Campus police assisted the environmental police when they got a report of a dog on a raft in the harbor. Oh, sweet. Was it the Coppertone dog? My bathing suit bottoms are missing.

November 139:10 a.m.: A larceny in the Science building! I think this is the most traffic that a building outside of the catwalk has gotten since I started school here.

3:57 p.m.: A larceny was reported in the Campus Center. Oh, joyous rapture! Maybe some day, students will realize that leaving their laptops on the coffee tables while eating lunch for 45 minutes, then coming back to said table and expecting the laptop to be there is just a tad bit unreasonable.

4:50 p.m.: A medical assist was made in the McCormack building when someone was having a seizure. A report was filed, but the person refused medical attention