November 139:10 a.m.: A larceny was reported in the Science building. Oh, joy! Oh, rapture! What a way to begin the police log!

3:57 p.m.: A larceny was reported in the Campus Center. Well, it was getting close to dinner time, so of course it makes sense to leave your stuff unguarded.

4:50 p.m.: A medical assist was made in the McCormack building. The person in need refused medical attention.

November 148:55 a.m.: A larceny was reported in the Science building. Nothing like starting out the day by stealing.

10:34 a.m.: Students filed a report of threats due to a classmate’s posting online. Aw, it’s nice to see that people on this campus do care about each other, and don’t just care about stealing their stuff.

November 152:42 p.m.: A disturbance call was made from the Healey Library when a patron refused to follow the food and drink rules for the computer labs. The patron was asked to leave.

4:56 p.m.: A call for a medical assist was placed when someone in Quinn was suffering from chest pains. They were transported to the hospital.

7:40 p.m.: A minor accident involving two vehicles happened in the driveway of the Campus Center. Some minor damage resulted.

November 161:36 p.m.: A false fire alarm went off in Wheatley.

7:33 p.m.: A report of vandalism and malicious destruction was filed from Wheatley when someone tried to etch something into a door. Because that’s totally not, like, soooo seventh grade or anything.

November 185:38 p.m.: A larceny was reported in the Clark Athletic Center. Well, at least it’s been a couple of days.

November 1910:41 a.m.: Two employees got into an argument on University Dr. South, during which one employee threatened the other. A report of the threats was filed. Man, I thought we were bad.

6:02 p.m.: A janitorial staff member was harassed by a student in Wheatley and filed a report against the student. Not cool.

November 209:36 a.m.: A disorderly conduct report was filed when a professor had problems with a student in Wheatley Hall. The student was referred to the Dean of Students, who handled it. Zing!

November 219:08 a.m.: A breaking and entering in the Science building was reported. Remember, kids: “breaking and entering” is just the term for larceny in an office. Good morning! I think I’ll take this stapler.

November 222:30 p.m.: Campus Police assisted the MBTA police in dealing with a passenger on one of the MBTA buses. It couldn’t possibly have been that creeper who was on the bus with me the other night, could it? I doubt it.

November 242:53 p.m.: A larceny was reported in the Healey Library. Someone missed “Black Friday” sales and decided to make up for it, huh?

8:02 p.m.: Someone called 911 from the lobby phone in Quinn, but when the call was answered, no one was there. Spooky.

November 2610:33 a.m.: A threatening voicemail was left for someone in Wheatley, and they filed a report.

11:20 a.m.: A larceny was reported in the Campus Center. Nothing like yanking someone’s bag to work up a lunch appetite.

3:29 p.m.: A medical assist was made in Quinn when a member of the janitorial staff slipped, falling on the floor and hurting their shoulder. They were transported to the hospital.

9:14 p.m.: A larceny was reported in the Healey Library. Well, the winter holidays are a few weeks away, so maybe someone will buy you whatever it is that has been stolen.