Here is what you missed while you were with your Valentine:

“SOS please, someone help me…really”Chris Brown attacks Rihanna and threatens to kill her. Both recording artists were scheduled to perform at the Grammy’s this past week and neither one of them showed. Brown was in jail and well, Rihanna’s face was covered in bruises. Next time, trade that “Umbrella” for a stun gun.

Jonas Brothers Have “cool” Nicknames for Each Other.Kevin Jonas is known to his brothers as “K2”, Nick is “Mr. President” while Joe is “Danger”. While it’s a good marketing technique for the boys to appear single, they should have no trouble staying that way for real with names like these. Seriously, “Danger” and a Jonas brother? Not a bad alias for Chris Brown though…

A-Rod’s A Fraud.MLB Star Alex Rodriguez admitted to using steroids and also admits that he tested positive for the drugs in 2003, before a positive test resulted in penalties. He has yet to admit he had an affair with the oldest woman in the music industry, Madonna, and has since gone back to his wife. The Yankee slugger’s testicles could not be reached for comment and sources believe that they have either shrunk into non-existence or are currently in his wife’s pocket.

Joaquin Pheonix Goes Grizzly Adams on Letterman.Phoenix was supposed to appear on Letterman to promote his new movie but instead he wore sunglasses, sported a full beard, and mumbled crazily while also announcing his retirement from acting in order to pursue his solo music career. Bad news for fans of Joaquin’s career, good news for local rehab clinics.

Don’t Fret,Those rumors you heard about T.R. Knight and Katherine Heigl leaving Grey’s Anatomy are NOT TRUE! I Repeat, we will continue to see Izzie and George every Thursday night until they too are awarded their own spin-off.

Where Are They Now?Ever wonder where your favorite Real World cast member is now? Do you remember Danny? He was from Billerica, he got punched in the face during his season and he was dating the blonde, Melinda, who he ended up marrying on MTV. He’s the newest bartender at The Greatest Bar in Boston. If you’re lucky you might even run into CT while you’re there, just make sure he isn’t drinking…oh wait.