67°
UMass Boston's independent, student-run newspaper

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

Horoscope

Aries: Your situation is escalating, but don’t worry, for the time being you’re safe. Take good care of the plants in your life, as they will be in a position to help you very soon.

Taurus: The dog is going to eat your homework on Thursday, and you’ll get in trouble because your professor won’t believe you.

Gemini: Your insatiable appetite for popsicles might land you in hot water Tuesday. Don’t let your significant other boss you around on Wednesday.

Cancer: Gossip is spreading, and the rumors are flattering. Word on the street is that you’re quite the wild animal. Don’t let technology stand in your way.

Leo: Attend to your hygiene on Saturday.

Virgo: The people who you’re trying to impress are not getting it yet. Go for the classics: a magic trick, a tap on the buttocks, and if all else fails, a box of Cuban cigars.

Libra: You will witness some unfortunate PDA on the train. Try not to make eye contact with the other cringing people.

Scorpio: A hurried lunch on Monday will result in a mustard stain on your shirt. Wear blue all week.

Sagittarius: You will have a bad experience with a public bathroom on Wednesday.

Capricorn: Although you are experiencing sexual frustration, don’t let our standards slip, as the consequences will be far worse than you might expect.

Aquarius: You will not be dressed right for the weather on Tuesday, no matter how hard you try.

Pisces: How about getting off these antibiotics? How about stopping eating when I’m full up? How about them transparent dangling carrots? How about that ever-elusive kudo?