Aries: Be extremely cautious when you load the white laundry into the machine this Thursday, as chances are a high that a red or blue sock could has snuck in and will soil the entire load. Taurus: One word can be used to describe your personality on Wednesday. Your walk, your talk and your handwriting all scream sex. Wear black Friday. Gemini: Your inclination towards politics might not pay off this week, as the public persona you’ve been putting on continues to unravel. During these tough times, take comfort in your pets. Cancer: If you are a soda drinker, beware on Thursday and Friday! There is a high probability that, through no fault of your own, a soda you purchase will taste flat and diluted. Leo: Swallow your pride on Monday, and admit your mistakes. Keep a close watch on your laces, as untied laces can increase your chances of tripping. Virgo: You will get into an altercation with a stranger Wednesday and it is likely to end in tears. Fortunately, you will forget all about it when you get home, take a shower, eat some food, watch some TV, and relax. Libra: Your sharp eye and quick wit will hurt a lot of people’s feelings this week. Stay away from cheap thrills. Scorpio: This week will present you with numerous opportunities to get good deals on kitchen staples. It would be down right stupid not to indulge. Sagittarius: Watch your temper when you deal with dogs and cats of all breeds. Do all you can to deescalate the tension. It might be time to switch to a different brand of shampoo and conditioner. Capricorn: Your elevator manners are getting on somebody’s nerves, and they are sure to bring it up this week. Aquarius: The person you’ve been lusting after might be interested, but you have to step up your game if you want to get some. Try not to show your true colors. Pisces: A traffic jam when you’re already late; A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break; It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife; It’s meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife.