Watching the soft-gummed and palate-softening diet of mashed fruits and vegetables permeate from his diet to his dissents is perhaps the biggest tragedy of the situation; applesauce will never be the same. Honoring his legacy is best achieved by taking his death, not as it is intended, but as it is: bed-ridden.
Antonin Gregory Scalia’s heartbreaking absence from the sacred bench is not just “a loss,” as some dirty leftists say.
Quite frankly, it is (at least) two losses!
Now purposeless, the ghastly ghoul of Ronald Reagan has no shoulder to weep on; no hairy ear to whisper sweet nothings into; no bifocals to rid of brow condensation.
“He would appear in moments of dire need,” Scalia wrote, “magically out of nowhere. Right foot forward on my collarbone, like Washington crossing the Delaware. Ginsburg would call me crazy! But she didn’t know. She didn’t believe!”
A staunch conservative and furry frugal fiscal fighter has been taken from us.
“The sheets and pillows that were being used by Scalia were still in the creased position from that day’s room service, indicating there was no struggle involved,” said the Presidio County Sheriff.
Conventional wisdom tells otherwise. Between Obamacare, obesity, and old age, one of these “Big O’s” killed Justice Scalia, and it ain’t old age.
Scalia was a tender 80 years old. Surely that should be considered, no? It equates to just 36 in Catholic years.
I will not even begin to entertain the whims of the obesity-truthers, for the science is not yet established. I will not even enter the hornet’s nest of the public perception of the issue. No use in talking about the collective banging of the walking stick into the wall. A federal deity dies in his sleep, yet no one is woke.
It was Ayatollah Obama in the Dude Ranch with the health care!
Obamacare is the number one cause for sleep apnea in Supreme Court justices. The conscious weight of wrestling with the lack of sensibility within his peers took this man’s life.
No if’s, and’s, or “argle-bargle, mumbo jumbo, and other legal gobbledygook” about it.
For shame! For shame! It is clear–crystal–that Justice Scalia was deeply smitten by the pangs of universal healthcare. As it happens, it robbed him of time.
You see, Obama HAD to take him sleeping. If Scalia was awake, there would have been a fight. It is customary in Islam to telepathically kill all those with conflicting views.
These are called “honor killings.” In classic fascist fashion, Obama did not seek senate approval beforehand. Note how the burial was in an “undisclosed location,” whatever that means. I can deduce that a proper burial did not take place.
If he was not stripped naked, wrapped in Old Glory, and sent down the River Styx with the Bill of Rights tucked in his nether regions, then by God, we might as well have left him for the vultures.
If one can look objectively at the objective evidence (Breitbart, Infowars, etc.), it is objectively clear that Scalia’s death is a controlled execution; there should be an objectively objective independent investigation regarding the matter. Give it the old Ted Wells special.
So tonight, when you’re done taking the dogs for a walk, and you crawl to your non-alternative bed, look at your spouse passionately, lovingly, and deeply. When you’re really flying at full mast, give ‘em the old applesauce argle-bargle–for old times sake.
Pour one out tonight boys, and hope they hang up his robe in the heavenly rafters.