A rumor I started about a year and a half ago never really worked out the way I planned. See, I was the one who came up with the rumor that cell phones caused brain damage. It made it to the news, hung around for a week or so in the papers and made an appearance on News Center-Five, but it slowly faded to a non-issue.

Even if it were true and the cellular waves from your phone caused your brain to slowly degenerate, most people still couldn’t live without them. The cell companies (a la tobacco industry) would come out and says there’s no direct proof that cell waves in your brain cause any kind of damage. How could we blame the cell companies, though? This is America, home of capitalism! It would be like blaming McDonald’s if everyone started driving around eating Big Macs and having heart attacks at the wheel.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Uh-oh, they let Ted Kaczynski out of prison. I thought he was doing life. I can assure you, I’m not the Unibomber nor do I harbor any of his ideology. But when the girl sitting next to me in the computer lab is discussing last night’s drunk-a-thon on her cell, I have issues. I’m not saying I want to plant tiny exploding devices in their phones so when they flip them open it goes off. But when I’m on the train coming home from either a long day of school, or a long day of work, or both, and someone who barely has reception is talking on their phone and they make up for it by screaming, then yes, I have issues.

Now, most people will concur there are terrible breaches of etiquette. Yet still, when their cell phone rings in the middle of dinner at Applebee’s, they will pick it up and carry on a twenty minute conversation, oblivious to the fact that everyone who is trying to finish their meal is staring. The worst offenders are the ones who commit D.W.T.- driving while talking.

I’m waiting for all the mothers who started MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) to come out and start MACC (Mothers Against Cellphone Chatting). That’s not to trivialize drunk driving; D.W.T has become a serious issue. The next time you’re in your car on the highway, have your passenger count how many drivers are on their cell phones. The numbers are staggering, and it’s only getting worse! I’d encourage people to get a headset that allows them to listen and talk on their cell phones hands free. But then, when I’m walking down the street I’d think half the people were talking to me, and the other half were crazy because they were talking to themselves.

No, I long for the days of beepers and ginormous cell phones that only doctors and the Nino Browns of the world could afford. I’ve started a program called ABCD, Abstain Because Cellphones Destroy. If you’d like to learn more about it call me on my cell anytime at (617) 596-1290.