Physics Professor Jack Cheterstan and his team of dedicated graduate students have gotten approval on their groundbreaking proposal to build giant balloon animals that will be sent into the stratosphere to help reverse the effects of global warming.Filled with a mixture of air and helium, the animals will each be 500 feet tall, 200 feet wide, and made out of the same material as the common birthday balloon animal. Chesterstan said that he plans to concentrate on African savannah animals initially, but he did not rule out South American rainforest critters.According to Chesterstan’s theory, the animals will be strategically sent into areas of high or low pressure to manipulate wind patterns. This technology would allow scientists to orchestrate global weather in ways unimaginable before.”We could send a fleet of high pressure giraffes above Georgia to deflect the cold front north, insuring perfect conditions for the Winter Olympics in Vancouver,” said Chesterstan.The idea for the Weather-Beasts, as they have been affectionately dubbed by the UMB community, came about after Greg Figglestern, Chesterstan’s colleague, noticed how condensed the balloon animals became after being twisted into shape.”We’d been toying with inflatable weather modification devices for awhile, but we kept running into the same problem,” said Figglestern. “Regular round balloons would not allow any air through the system, and there was a concern this could lead to a vacuum that would be dangerous to planes, birds and clouds.”The balloon animals, however, allow some airflow to insure this type of a situation would not happen.Senator John Kerry presented the generous government grant of two billion dollars in an event last week. In his speech, the senator praised the initiative as a crucial component in combating global warming.”Giant balloon animals may seem like a joke to some,” the senator said in his address, “But sometimes the strangest solution is also the right one. I look forward to the launch of the first giraffe from the roof of the Healy building in 2016.”UMB administrators are also ecstatic about the homegrown project.”We’ve always encouraged this type of innovative thinking, and with professor Chesterstan and his devoted team it really paid off,” said interim vice associate special activities under-coordinator-in-chief David Wayne.There is no word yet about the color planned for the first Weather-Beast, but speculation is rife.”I really hope that instead of the classic yellow they will go for Beacon Blue,” said research assistant Jenifer Kason.