The Discovery Channel announced on Friday the locations for the next season of their smash hit “Man Vs. Wild” along with some old staples such as the Amazon and the Mojave desert, one rather peculiar location stood out: Umass Boston. The network said “this will be a sequel to the extremely popular ‘urban survivor’ episode from season 4, it will be called ‘campus survivor'”. So, this winter, Bare Grills will descend upon UMB, where he will encounter extreme dangers such as muggers, jay-walkers, and collapsing stairwells. He will also have to survive on nothing but UMass Boston cafeteria food, and whatever he can kill for his “week of challenges”. While nothing has been set in stone, it is speculated that Bare will enter the campus by driving a jet ski out the back of a hovering helicopter plummeting into the harbor. He will then have to speed across the choppy water dodging rogue sailboats and kayakers. Rumors concerning Mr. Grill’s activities on campus are quite extraordinary and mostly implausible but substantiated reports suggest that Bare’s week of challenges will consist of catching, killing, and eating a Canadian Goose in front of campus center, and scaling the catwalk, which will serve as his main access point to the unforgiving UMB campus. Once inside Bare will face struggles such as repelling inside the Healey stairwell, which he says will be “the greatest challenge I’ve ever faced”. Bare has seen nothing yet. He is not looking forward to eating at the cafeteria. He said, “I’ve kept down some of the worst things you could imagine, but I’ve never faced a foe like Sudexo, I’m very concerned about the pizza.” Bare hopes to fashion some sort of raft with what is left of the sailing team’s fleet, and then be rescued by some sort of whale watching craft after a harrowing week at UMB. Not everyone is cut out for this campus. You have to be a strong individual to be able to survive here. It is extremely important that if you see Grills, or his right hand man the Director of Photography Cat Barbecue, you must not try to assist them, as it would damage the authenticity of their survival situation.