When I think of having a child, my head hurts, my stomach curls, and I just want to get out of that headspace as soon as I possibly can. Some might brush it off as me just being young and not wanting kids, at this moment in time, but what if that is not the case? What if I do not want to ever have kids? Why do I feel expected to have a child in the future, when I am not even sure that is what would be the best for me? These questions always run through my head when I have a conversation with older adults about this topic.
It usually starts with someone talking about their child, and someone else making a remark about me having a child in the future. I stop and think about it for a moment, and I usually respond with something along the lines of, “I do not want kids.” This statement results in the group laughing and chuckling, and someone saying the off-hand comment, “You will want them in the future.” But, for some reason, that rubs me the wrong way. It produces in me the feeling of being disrespected and misheard. That is my concern.
Think of it this way: if someone came up to you and started a conversation about school and your major, and then asked you what you were studying, and you said something like Art or English, and they responded with, “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll change your major to Math at some point, and that will be the right major for you!” See? My feelings and opinions about my major and what I like to do should not matter to this person.
To me, it is the same thing as someone coming up to me and telling me I will change my mind about kids. To be completely honest, the idea of putting my life and what I am doing on hold to take care of a person that screamed their way out of me seems less than pleasurable or rewarding. Taking care of kids is not only expensive, but also a lot of work. They have doctor’s appointments, they need toys and food, you have to pay for daycare, and do not even get me started on the mountains of clothes for their growing bodies. When they are older, you have to worry about college. And what if your kid gets in with the “wrong” crowd, and you can no longer feel any pride in producing and raising a child because you feel like you messed up along the way?
I have also noticed that whenever the conversation about having kids comes up with a group of people around my age, they do not have the same reactions as people who are older. They understand that it is a personal choice whether to have a kid. You can have an amazing life with or without a baby, and honestly, there is no reason to force yourself to have a kid, when there are so many reasons not to. Now, I am not saying everyone should not have kids, but what I am saying is that if someone does not want kids, it is their choice and no one else’s.