Sunday, January 9

11:30 a.m. – Falsified report made about a fire via pay phone. Inspector Clousseau is on the case.

Monday, January 10

9:10 p.m. – Alarm call to the Admin building. Everything was a-okay.

Tuesday, January 11

6:52 a.m. – Alarm call to the Service Building. It was a false alarm, one of the staff accidentally tripped it. Go figure.7:07 a.m. – Suspicion person spotted in Science Building UL taking suspicious pictures of our suspicious garage. Turned out to be someone from facilities taking photos for garage repairs, suspiciously.4:20 p.m. – Party reported personal items stolen from Campus Center. Two individuals stopped and arrested for theft at JFK Library. When will people learn that crime does not pay (when you get caught)?6:24 p.m. – Two males were reported to be engaging in fisticuffs on University drive West. Alas! They vanished by the time police arrived.

Wednesday, January 12

10:52 a.m. – Alarm call to Wheatley. Fortunately, everything was okay.3:28 p.m. – False fire alarm at Clark Athletic Center.5:06 p.m. – 911 hang-up made from first floor Wheatley. Kids from a local area program were spoken to. I’m sure they’re very sorry and will never do it again.

Thursday, January 13

7:41 a.m. – Alarm call to Campus Center. Everything was fine.10:47 a.m. – Medical assistance at the Clark Athletic Center. Ice hockey player took ill and was transported to a hospital.2:01 p.m. – A fellow in a Wheatley second floor water closet fell over in stall. Medical assistance was necessary. Must have been that Soddexho beano burrito.

Saturday, January 15

12:42 a.m. – UMass PD aide in transporting kids chased down by Harbor Point Police. Huh?

Monday, January 17

4:18 p.m. – Another 911 hang-up, this time third floor of McCormack.

Tuesday, January 18

11:55 a.m. – Another alarm, in Wheatley. Everything was fine.2:35 p.m. – Alarm malfunction in McCormack.

Wednesday, January 19

9:34 a.m. – Kid was reported to be in Clark Athletic Center during school hours. He was checked out and deemed not to be truant. Phew.11:38 a.m. – Someone vandalized the books in Healey Library. Take that Chaucer! Contemplate this Rousseau!5:14 p.m. – Two pieces of unattended luggage in the Clark Athletic Center were reunited with their owner. Laughs were shared. Tears were shed. Love is a many splendored thing.

Thursday, January 20

12:53 p.m. – An injured ice hockey player was transported from Health Services by ambulance to a hospital. Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

Friday, January 21

1:37 p.m. – Someone’s cell phone was stolen from the Clark Athletic Center. Can you hear me now?

Monday, January 24

1:53 p.m. – Damage done to an office door in the Science Building. That’s what you get when you mess with Science: destruction.