There are a few topics that I could write about, but I feel compelled to address some individuals that have irked me in the recent past. It’s not so much of an address as it is a slew of harsh words. Here are the top half dozen personalities that I felt deserved to be such a target of my irritation.

Hey Dusty Baker! You want to be a good father? Do the right thing, and keep your kid at home, so he can get his homework done and go to bed at a decent hour. Your managerial abilities may be excellent, but I, if no one else, question your parental decisions. You use your kid as a prop for some inexplicable public relations reason, God only knows why. Do your job from now on, which is coaching your team on the field at the ballpark, and raising your child at home.

Hey Bill Belichick! I know your team has had a rough time of it lately, but one thing football fans don’t tolerate is having their team play timidly. You and your coaching staff have lost that winning and fearless edge that was a main component of the team’s championship run last season. Playing and losing is one thing, but playing not to lose is quite another. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can address this to your staff and players.

Hey Rick Fox! You may have movie star looks and play with one of the better basketball teams in the NBA, but your actions in the exhibition game last week against the Sacramento Kings are despicable and borders on the illegal. You committed premeditated assault. You should have been charged with such, but the powers that be in the league (listening David Stern) are too gutless to punish you accordingly even if the local authorities decided to look the other way.

Hey Kyle McLaren! My advice to you on your present “predicament” is to grow up and be an adult about the situation. Take the money that was offered to you in a process that was agreed by your player association, and ride out the season. You’ll have a lot more leverage and freedom next season to sign where you want and for how much?

Hey Rally Monkey! If I gave you a bunch of bananas, would you promise to stay away from Edison field starting next season? And if it’s not too much trouble, could you take as many of those stupid red inflatable sticks as you could? There’s a good primate.

Hey Tom Brady! I tell you a secret. Pass completion percentage is an important stat, but sacks-allowed is even more important. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the biggest complaint that fans had about your predecessor, Drew Bledsoe, was that he held on to the ball too long. You are emulating that flaw. (And it’s really damaging.)

Hey Terrell Owens! That little on-field stunt you pulled with the Sharpie on Monday night two weeks ago shows that you are not only classless, but tasteless. If you were going to pull such an act of poor sportsmanship, you could have at least used a quill and an inkwell.

Hey Paul Gaston! Thanks for the behind the scenes maneuvering that led to the departure of Rodney Rodgers and Kenny Anderson. You might come back with the argument that the Celtics have former All Star Vinny Baker, but the operative word here is former. You might be a grade-A capitalist, but you’re a sellout of an owner.

I’m out of breath (well my fingers are tired from typing), but I just want to say one more thing: Hey Barry Bonds!, you may be the best player of this generation, (I will freely admit that), but I could not help but smile that you did not get a World Series ring. You epitomize everything that is wrong with professional sports, and your sport in particular.