Tuesday, October 51:55 a.m. – A trespasser looking for his ex-girlfriend, who is a student at UMB, was thrown out of Harbor Point. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, man.8:18 a.m. – Minor accident in McCormack garage.11:25 am – Someone stole something in the Campus Center.

Wednesday, October 69:00 am – False alarm in the Service Building.9:48 am – False fire alarm in the Campus Center.10:15 am – Someone stole something else in the Campus Center. Crime doesn’t pay, unless you don’t get caught.

Thursday, October 711:32 a.m. – False alarm in the Administration Building.1:52 p.m. – A student refused to leave the Campus Center Ballroom, hindering the set-up for an event.2:52 p.m. – A party suffered a seizure in the Campus Center and refused medical attention.3:27 p.m. – That same party had another episode on the Crystal Bus and was taken to the hospital.3:57 p.m. – Person fell off a bike at the start of University Dr. and was treated by the ambulance called twenty minutes before.

Friday, October 84:13 p.m. – A person inquiring about his previously towed vehicle was arrested on a warrant.

Saturday, October 910:16 a.m. – Someone took a digger in the Science Center garage and refused medical assistance.6:11 pm – Parties smuggling alcohol into an event in the Campus Center were informed it was a dry function.9:46 p.m. – UMB police help out state cops with an accident on Morrissey.

Sunday, October 107:37 p.m. – Fire in the Campus Center extinguished.8:25 p.m. – Indecent exposure reported on the Lower Busway.9:10 p.m. – While looking for the pervert, police encountered and arrested a party with a trespassing warrant.10:11 p.m. – Ambulance requested.

Monday, October 114:02 p.m. – More indecent show-and-tell in the Healey Library.4:50 p.m. – While hunting for the suspect with the wardrobe malfunction, police ruin a perfectly good high in the Campus Center. Apparently weed and community buildings don’t mix after all.