Q: Bobby!! Where are you?!?
A: I got this question and variations so often that I had to ask The Mass Media to deactivate my question submission form. You know what they say — you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone! All that time infusing each crafted response to your often-stupid questions with cries for help and you have the nerve to ask me this? They always ask “Where’s Bobby” but never “How’s Bobby.” You don’t actually care where I’ve been — you just want another jester to belittle. Well I won’t stand for it any longer! New year, new Bobby! But since you did decide to ask, I’ll have you know I’ve spent the last eight months studying abroad and soul-searching all over the world. I visited every continent and even spent my summer living among a pod of dolphins where they took me in as one of their own. I am returning to you all with a brand new outlook on life. So just know, if you hear high-pitched squeaking and clicking echoed through Campus Center this semester, don’t panic! It’s just your old pal Bobby, back and better than ever before!