Written by Joe DiPersio (He/Him) and illustrated by Bianca Oppedisano (She/Her) / Mass Media Staff

Q: Are we just going to ignore the elephant in the room? Why the hell haven’t you acknowledged YOUR SON WHO’S ENROLLED HERE? 

A: First of all, if you’re talking about that freak, Bool the Ghoul, or whatever they call him, there is literally not a single ounce of evidence to suggest that he’s my son. And no, I’m not taking a paternity test! Have you seen him? He could be the spawn of a big, blue fire hydrant for all I know. Look, I’m no stranger to bad, absent fathers. My dad was a total d—bag! I mean, I did kill him after all. What I’m saying is if I had a son—which I most certainly do not—don’t you think I’d go out of my way to be the best father I could be? As for Bool, he’s probably just some lonely little loser in Beacon cosplay looking for a role model. It wouldn’t be the first time; I’ve always been told I’d make for a good daddy.