Written by Joe DiPersio (He/Him) and illustrated by Bianca Oppedisano (She/Her) / Mass Media Staff

Q: Any idea how we can tap into Wheatley’s otherworldly power and become immortal? Asking for a friend… 

A: Well, if you believe in all that phantom architect bulls—that professor what’s-his-face was whining about, then I guess the entire building acts as some kind of doorway into the great beyond. I’m not completely sure how to get in, but I heard a rumor once that if you stick a fork into a specific power outlet somewhere in the building, a portal to the nether realm could form. Of course, there’s a lot of power outlets to choose from, and if you choose wrong, you’re dead. Then you have to grapple with the fact that the doorway can only be opened on Halloween of this year according to the ancient lore. If you ask me, I don’t think it’s worth the risk, but hey, if the whole thing about the chancellor being a warlock is true, we’ll get to see him go around Wheatley all day with a fork zapping his brains out. How’s that for a trick-or-treat?