Q: How’s your semester going?
A: You know, something dawned on me this semester. I’ve been working as a mascot here for decades, and yet the thought has never crossed my mind that maybe I should take advantage of all this education by enrolling in some classes. I know I’m on the older side, but hey, it’s never too late to learn, right? Wrong! I should have known better than to think these ignorant professors could teach ME, a guy who’s lived for thousands of years, anything about anything! I took this class on the French Revolution and the dude tried telling me that Napoleon wasn’t short. I was there! I f—ing knew him! The guy was short as s—! We spent a year exiled together on Saint Helana Island eating crabs and drawing hearts in the sand. He was like two feet tall, hardly bigger than a smurf! The propaganda in the education system today sickens me to no end!