Written by Joe DiPersio (He/Him) and illustrated by Bianca Oppedisano (She/Her) / Mass Media Staff

Q: Will you be my Valentine? 

A: I’m awfully flattered that you’re interested in getting a piece of the little Bobby, but I’m gonna have to say no. Here’s the thing, I know I may seem like the kind of guy who’s jumping into a new sexual fling every night, but the truth is, I’m not. The thing about Beacons is that we aren’t very sexual. To be specific, I have a two-hour window every Wednesday from 4 to 6 when I’m extraordinarily horny, but other than that, I don’t feel much of anything. If you want to seek me out during my “lightshine” phase—that’s what we Beacons call it—then my answer to your question would be very different, but good luck finding me. I lock myself away like a werewolf under a full moon, and that’s for the sake of the community.