Written by Joe DiPersio (He/Him) and illustrated by Bianca Oppedisano (She/Her) / Mass Media Staff

A: Why haven’t you auditioned for the Bees Neez tribute band yet?

Q: Well, it pretty much boils down to the fact that Joe and Kyle are a couple of pretentious, intolerable butt-sacks. I actually did try out for the band a few months ago for the role of the drummer, Hank Powerhouse, and it was a nightmare. Hank only ever wrote a few songs like “A Rumblin’ and a Stumblin’” and “A Rumblin’ and a Stumblin’ 2,” but apparently, these songs aren’t good enough for Joe and Kyle. They just wanna focus on the Dennis and Ratsy stuff. Pretty much, my audition consisted of Kyle aimlessly noodling around on the guitar for two hours, a long conversation about the special effects in the 1958 film, “The Blob” and Joe glaring at me saying, “Wrong, sing higher,” over and over again. They don’t deserve me! As Hank used to say, if you can’t stand the power, then get out of the house!