Valentine’s Day coming up brings mixed emotions for a lot of people. For people in relationships, the day comes with expectations that sometimes aren’t met. Then there is that whole “sad single girl” trope, crying into their ice cream while watching rom-coms. Wherever you fall on this scale, I’m going to try to make things a little easier for you.

Being in a relationship on Valentine’s Day should be super fun and exciting. The key to making sure you don’t set yourself up for disappointment is communication. I am the biggest advocate for communication because it’s the solution to almost every problem.

I know, you might be thinking that getting a surprise is the fun part. Although, how would you rather spend your day: Being sad and disappointed because you had high expectations and they weren’t met, or having a quick conversation with your partner beforehand and having a great day?

As well as your partner might know you, they can’t read your mind. That is impossible and asking them to do so is unfair. Have a conversation with them telling them what you need to feel loved and ask them the same question. You might learn something from this discussion which will lead to a healthier relationship in the future.

Some people are in between on this scale because they’re in a “situationship,” hovering between commitment and non-commitment, single but not really. Someone wrote in saying:

“With Valentine’s Day approaching, I would like advice on how to navigate having a ‘situationship’ around the holiday and whether situationships are worth it in general. Like should I treat this guy romantically even though it’s out of character for us, and is it okay to feel disappointed if he treats it like just another day? We are not dating (we don’t want commitment), but otherwise he basically treats it like a relationship—we even went on a trip together.”

This situation is difficult and it involves facing some truths that you may not be ready for. Ask yourself why you don’t want commitment. If you are facing disappointment because he treats it like just another day, you might want commitment, as much as you don’t want to admit it to yourself. This is why I am anti-situationship.

Giving all parts of yourself to someone who doesn’t want to put a label on it is just setting yourself up to get hurt. It gives them an excuse to “cheat” on you and hurt you because in their eyes you weren’t exclusive so they didn’t do anything wrong. Especially if you are treating it just like a relationship, there should be no change in putting a label on it.

This gives him an out if he doesn’t want to be there anymore without too much effort on his part. If you don’t want commitment, that’s fine, but evaluate whether or not you should be engaging in romantic relations at all. You could potentially hurt someone else in the future. It may be time to just work on yourself.

Being single on Valentine’s Day is so much fun if you know how to do it right. That might be controversial, but for me, it’s reality. Growing up, my family treated Valentine’s Day like any other holiday. My mom was really into arts and crafts, so leading up to Valentine’s Day every year, we made unique handmade valentines for all of our family and friends.

Then when the day came, my siblings and I woke up to candy and small presents decorating our kitchen table and a breakfast of pancakes. Because of this, I always saw Valentine’s Day as a day to share your love with everyone you care about, romantic or not.

This is why I hate the “single sad girl” trope. You can love more people than just a significant other. Use this day to get together with other single friends. You can go back to your childhood and make valentines or just go out to brunch.

If you want, you can also go with the classic self-care route as well. Read your favorite books, watch your favorite movie, buy yourself flowers or cook your favorite meal. Just go do anything but cry into food while watching a rom-com. You are worth more than that and you owe it to yourself to feel good.

Valentine’s Day is about love, so whether you are in a relationship, are spending it by yourself or anything in between, use this day to spread love with people around you and hold love within yourself. You deserve it.