Q: Why do I see you every night standing on the beach by Harbor Point praying?
A: It’s no secret that I’m not a religious man. I mean, if you looked like me, would you really believe in a God? The fact of the matter, there are gods. I don’t know about a big God, but little gods are as overabundant as cockroaches in Wheatley Hall. Anyways, many moons ago I peeved off this minor ocean god by beating her in a game of pickleboard. And no, I don’t mean shuffleboard or pickleball, pickleboard was its own thing and it was a game of strength and wit. I think she was like, the goddess of barnacles or something stupid like that, but she made me promise to pray to her every night if I didn’t want to wake up with barnacles on my eyes. Talk about a sore loser!