Q: The Cat in the Hat asked me to ask you if you’d be interested in becoming his best friend.
A: I have a long and storied history with the Cat. I was a consultant on the film back in the early aughts. I’m talking about the Mike Myers film—which I love dearly, by the way. Anyway, I came up with this idea to have the Things drink a bunch of water to delay the mom from coming home with a big flood of piss. Myers threw a big diva fit about it saying that all the water was gonna make him have to pee and that he couldn’t pee in the suit. The producers ended up going with that cop scene instead. It wasn’t terrible, but if you look up my original scene online, you’ll see it’s one thousand times better. So, if I could somehow have the Cat without the Myers, then yeah, I’d be his best friend. P.S. I was the one who suggested that Smash Mouth cover The Beatles “Getting Better” and the one who got Paris Hilton in the film! You’re welcome!