Q: My roommate got me sick. What action should I take against them?
A: I don’t really do the whole roommate thing. I had a roommate a few years back down in the Boneyard. Some guy named Gary. Anyway, he had this nasty habit of never covering his mouth when he burped, so lo and behold, he ended up getting me sick right before this big game I was mascoting. I was pissed and decided to get some cold, hard revenge. The dude struggled with paranoia, so I purchased a vile of a fake disease from some man behind a pub and slipped it into Gary’s seltzer water. The next day, he starts feeling a little off and goes to a doctor who told him he was terminal and only had three months to live. The placebo was totally fooling everybody! The CRAZIEST part of all was three months later when Gary actually dropped dead! The power of the mind, I tell ya. It’s a crazy thing.