Michael “The Pirate King” Hogan

While on a recent trip to New York City members of The Mass Media had a heated debate regarding which of the following groups of iconic historical figures were the coolest, Ninjas, Vikings, or Pirates.

Of course, everyone had his or her own opinions. That is just the way that it works when you are debating such a serious subject, people’s passions become inflamed.

Ninjas tend to be very stealthy, at least good ninjas do. Stealth is, obviously, a helpful attribute in their line of work. So, I’ll admit it. Ninjas are pretty cool.

Vikings on the other hand have pretty much no stealth at all. Pillaging tends to make an awful lot of noise. Though Vikings have some pretty badass ships. So, yeah, Vikings are pretty cool, as well.

As the Editor in Chief of The Mass Media I have decided to use my editorial (dictatorial) veto on this one. I am just going to say it. Pirates are the coolest. It is just the way it works. Let me lay it out for you really quickly. Pirates also have pretty sweet ships. Also, pirates have parrots, and parrots are colorful. Plus, when pirates get the worst part of a fight they just keep on going. They simply put a patch over their lack of an eye or shove a stump of wood where their leg once was. Now that is super cool.

And, the best part, pirates have treasure. Their treasure was so precious that they would go as far as to bury it on remote islands or hide it on ghostly ships in elaborate caves for The Goonies to find. Gold doubloons, glittering rubies, shiny pearls, that is what the typical pirate treasure was made up of.

In order to celebrate this decision The Mass Media has decided to give away prizes. We are holding our very own treasure hunt. Our treasure has none of those things listed above. Instead our treasure is $20 for the first three questions and $50 for the final question. Not doubloons, but glittering booty nonetheless.Over the next three weeks we will print a question here in The Mass Media for you to answer. This is how it will work.

1) Read the question.

2) Obtain the answer.

3) Remember the answer.

4) Report the answer (you do this by coming by our office on the 3rd floor of the Campus Center and leaving your name and email address along with your answer)

5) Correct answers are entered into a random drawing for the weekly prize.

At the end of those three weeks those who have given the correct answers to all three of the previous questions will emailed another question. The same process takes place and the correct answers to this final question are entered into another random drawig for an even grander prize.

It is in your best interest to pick up the paper over the next three weeks and answer those simple questions. You could win the big prize. You could be as cool as a pirate. How would you feel if someone else got that cool prize? Not very good, that is how you would feel.

So, put down your homework and answer some simple questions for come pretty awesome prizes. Not nearly as awesome as pirates are, but awesome nonetheless.