Why are there some people who continue to walk into the fire despite having been burned before? How come some people run head on into the same closed fist again and again? It is baffling to think that people will allow themselves to be hurt over and over. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and this is the topic that has been dominating my thoughts.

We have all seen it on “Law and Order,” women who are beaten and bloodied, yet they continue to go back to their abuser out of something they call “love.” It is not just some fictitious storyline, and that is the biggest problem, this happens all the time in real life.

To me it is strange, this whole idea of considering a fist to the face to be a part of a “loving” relationship. Love does not involve beatings, be it physical or verbal. Real love is a two way street, a reciprocal connection where all of the understanding, affection, and respect that come along with it are shared. And that word, respect, is one of the most integral parts of love.

Since when did belittling a person become a way of showing respect? Don’t think about it too hard, the answer is never. In the movies cavemen dragged their women back to the cave by their hair. But those are the movies and, more importantly, they are cavemen. Those are subhuman ancestors of ours from hundreds of thousands of years ago. Haven’t we evolved since then? We’ve discovered fire and invented the wheel, can’t we somehow also find some compassion?

There are a lot of reasons that these things happen. For many of these women, there is an overwhelming lack of self-esteem. Many don’t feel they deserve any better than the angry abusive man they have become accustomed to. The fact is everyone deserves to be loved and to feel safe, no matter what they may think of themselves.

There are women who will insist it is their fault, that it is something they did that sparked the beatings. Again, this is just not true. There is really nothing anyone could do to warrant these beatings. No matter how frustrating he may feel, no matter how angry, nothing she could do provides any viable reasons for such beatings. That is just the way that it is.

Yet, these women stick by their men, through the broken bones and the bloody lips. They continue to walk back into that fire and they continue to get burned. There are women who die for this kind of “love,” women who give their lives for something that never existed in the first place, or at least fizzled out throughout the course of their relationship. I think it is a pretty simple concept to understand. Closed fists do not equal love, open and understanding arms equal love.