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The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

Ask Bobby #33: Spray-On Pants

Written+by+Joe+DiPersio+%28He%2FHim%29+and+illustrated+by+Bianca+Oppedisano+%28She%2FHer%29+%2F+Mass+Media+Staff.
Bianca Oppedisano
Written by Joe DiPersio (He/Him) and illustrated by Bianca Oppedisano (She/Her) / Mass Media Staff.

Q: Do you put your pants on one leg at a time, two legs at a time, or other? 

A: Hard other. Ever since the day I ripped my pants bending over to pick up a worm off the sidewalk, I vowed to never let that happen again. That’s why I developed Bobby Beacon’s Spray-On Pants! Are you sick and tired of the hassle of pulling your pants up every morning? Sick of the heart-wrenching disappointment of finding your trousers are a bit tight after that all-you-can-eat buffet at Raundy’s Roadhouse or a bit loose after puking your guts out in the bathroom of Raundy’s Roadhouse? Well, with Spray-On Pants, you can put your worries behind you. Just crack open a bottle, point that nozzle and feel the thick, liquid layer of polymer tar resin harden around your legs, buttocks and yes, even your… special place. And when the day’s done, simply wash ‘em away with Bobby Beacon’s Scrub-On De-Pantser (sold separately). You may be wondering, “Bobby, how do I whizz?” Well, I can assure you that when Spray-On Pants 2.0 hits the shelves (TBA) that will no longer be a problem! Sold wherever pants are sold! Buy a can today! Bobby Beacon’s Spray-On Pants, official partner of Raundy’s Roadhouse.     

About the Contributors
Joe DiPersio, Humor Editor
Bianca Oppedisano, Illustrator