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The Mass Media

The Mass Media

Show yourself some love this Valentine’s Day


A person sleeps with their headphones on in the afternoon. Illustration by Bianca Oppedisano (She/Her) / Mass Media Staff.




Valentine’s Day is special for many people; it’s a day of celebration, celibacy and self-care. It’s one of the only days out of the year that is recognized as a holiday that celebrates the life of a saint, and there’s no better way of celebrating than loving every inch of your divine—for now—counterpart in the name of St. Valentine. You can even give your pecker a little pope hat to pay homage, that way Father Frankie will guide and protect you on this fruitful day.

Then again, if you’re tackling the day single, the only thing you should be hooking up with is your phone and your Bluetooth speakers. It’s good to remember that regarding speakers, size doesn’t matter; all of them pack a punch! Sure, maybe quality can be questioned, but at least you can blast them for as long as you want. If you happen to be even half decent at playing an instrument, you should play along to the songs. It’s important to make the most out of Valentine’s Day, so plug in your speaker, call your plug and set your alarm for 2:30 p.m. because it’s time for a much needed mental health day.

There’s a whole lot of things you can do to ensure you engage in acts of self-care for Valentine’s Day. To make it clear, it’s completely okay to feel your emotions, but why just feel emotions when you can use them to manifest your ex-lover? There’s many things you can do to manifest them; you can replay some of your favorite memories in your head, or even better, you can replay the soundtrack to their favorite movie over and over again through the speakers.

Whatever ulterior motive you have in bringing them back, whether it’s for the sake of reconciliation or revenge, you can speed up the process exponentially by texting them. The bulkier the texts, the better! You can even take a page from Ryan Gosling’s notebook, and start talking about how romantic a date at an amusement park would be, not to mention the immaculate view you’d get on the Ferris Wheel. If all else fails and they keep their mask on, go “no contact” until the following Valentine’s Day and show up at their front door. After all, it’s the element of surprise that opens the floodgates of suppressed emotion.

On the contrary, if you’re not interested in getting back together with the one person who brought you true happiness, you can always just shoot your shot with someone you’ve grown a liking to. If you feel too anxious to tell a certain someone how you feel, just let the slip of your finger on their Instagram profile do the talking for you. Trust the process, they’ll probably love your courage, and if they don’t, just remember that the enemies-to-lovers arc happens all the time.

If you do get rejected, you can always take the route of being alone for the day. Waking up in the afternoon would already be a step in the right direction. You can make yourself a cup of coffee; hell, you can even go to Dunkin’ beforehand and get your juices flowing with the mouth-watering deliciousness of a Boston cream donut. And if you’re out of cream, stop by your Uncle Packy’s house to grab some Bailey’s and have a cup—or seven.

When you start to feel the restless effects of caffeine hit you harder than you hit your vape—don’t juul, not cuul; crave is the rave—that may be your cue to hop in the tub and give yourself a well deserved bath. Still hungry while soaking up in the tub? Now you can kill two birds with one stone by bringing your toaster into the bathroom; it’s better to multitask anyway. Once you’re out of the tub, you may be shocked in regards to how great you feel. It’ll almost feel like you’re huffing some of Cupid’s dust.

If you feel completely out of commission and start getting a head rush, you can always have an edible. The truth is, they’re painted in a bad light. They’re not the “devil’s lettuce,” and besides, if they weren’t safe to eat, then why would they be called edibles in the first place?

When all is said and done, to go to bed at a reasonable time, you can take some NyQuil. It takes the term “drinking yourself to sleep” to a whole new level, and as a lot of people know, alcohol can be the savior of all your problems. With that being said, you can get a nice twofer by resetting your circadian rhythm, and being in a happy mood while doing so. Don’t forget about the annual succubus visit, too. Maybe this year they’ll bring the infamous “hat man” alongside them as a surprise visitor—that is, the man in the yellow hat.

Valentine’s Day provides a special reminder that in order to be at your best, you must treat yourself with the luxuries that life has to offer. One should realize that you don’t have to tug on your heartstrings to get by. It’s supposed to be a day of celebration, not a day of self-destruction. Use this day as a stepping stone to take care of your well being and to give yourself some much needed love because you deserve it.

About the Contributor
Nick Collins, Sports Editor