UMass Boston's independent, student-run newspaper

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

Tom Brady plagiarizes the Chancellor

Bianca Oppedisano
Chancellor Suarez wears a Tom Brady uniform. Illustration by Bianca Oppedisano/ Mass Media Staff.

So I guess we’re glorifying a cheating, son-kissed traitor now, huh? The second-worst quarterback of all time—behind Jakobi Meyers—was honored at the New England Patriots’ season opener Sunday, Sept. 10. The man in question, Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr., donned his number 12 jersey that he wore in Foxboro for two decades, the same place that saw the likes of Brian Kinchen, Michael Hoomanawanui, Jermaine Wiggins and many more carry this man to six Super Bowl Championships. 

The elderly, frail shell of his former self walked up to the podium wearing fashioned shoulder pads, an undershirt whiter than Robert Kraft’s hairpiece and a gold chain that, from the looks of it, was painted yellow. Gillette Stadium erupted like they just saw the second coming of Christ, and to Patriots fans, that comparison would be fully justified. He’s New England’s golden boy, although he showed up looking more like a golden grandpa. Or just any plain old Florida man with too much free time on his hands now that he’s retired—and divorced…twice.

Enough of his interpersonal affairs, it’s time to talk about his personality. It can be argued that at this point, it’s common knowledge Tom Brady likes to bend the rules, or for lack of a better word, cheat. Don’t ask me, though, ask his eldest son; I bet he’s more than pissed that dad couldn’t stay together for the kids. The thing is, I have a bone to pick with Mr. Brady for some of the things he did in his past, but compared to what he did in preparation for his glorified speech that riled up fair-weathered Pats fans, his tomfoolery is like a peck. 

Now, you may be wondering, “Nick, why the hell are you carrying so much pent-up anger toward this pure, perfect specimen of a man?” I’ll tell you why. This man took the words of wisdom of a beloved Deac–Beacon right out of his mouth and treated them as if it was his magnum opus. Allow me to paint you the picture from the perspective of the chancellor, faculty and students that partook in the 2023 UMass Boston Commencement ceremony. You’re sitting at home, enjoying your first week of football in anticipation of watching the man that everybody and their mother within a 200-mile radius would die for, give a teary-eyed speech about playing on your television screens for two decades. Now, imagine your smile slowly fading into a confused look of disgust, hatred and a sprinkle of  déjà vu, realizing every word out of this man’s mouth was nothing more than a sorry, superficial excuse of a speech that was completely ripped off. 

And no, I didn’t just have this epiphany off the top of my dome, my friend Johnny O’Solis—a 2023 alumnus—went on a complete tirade about it while we were watching the events unfold. I decided to look up the original speech for myself, and as much as my jaw dropped, I honestly shouldn’t have been surprised given the TB12 method is more self-absorbed than a ShamWow. I recall my friend incoherently screaming at the TV in disbelief: “You’re keeping that m———er on the podium; are you serious?” He later expressed, “You can’t disrespect the man like that,” referring to the chancellor. He repeatedly muttered, “Let’s go,” quietly to himself while swaying back and forth, as if he was imagining himself in an altercation with the former Patriots quarterback and taunting him with his patented phrase. 

The chancellor—that’s his name, don’t wear it out—said, verbatim, that being at the podium was “an incredible celebration for him, the students and their families,” and proceeded to thank everyone for what they’ve done. Gee, that does ring a bell, huh? I get that Brady’s gotten his bell rung a few times, but this is just too much. In his halftime speech, which can be watched on YouTube (1), you can clearly hear Brady say the same thing approximately three minutes and forty seconds into the video. 

Another pure example of this monstrosity is seen about 90 seconds later, stealing the Chancellor’s view—word for word—on how their fellow Beacons dealt with adversity and everything that stood in front of them by being resilient and tough in hard times. Brady followed up with one of the chancellor’s core ideologies, commenting on how nothing of great value can be achieved alone in life, and that it’s always about working as a team (1). It seems as though the “Tom vs. Time” star failed to realize that he could’ve had a team help him come up with an original five-minute speech.

It wasn’t until the end of the speech that got me reeling, though, because then, it became two blithering, belligerent idiots wailing at the TV. The Chancellor said at the end of his commencement, “everybody’s life takes them to different places, on different journeys, but that one thing I am sure of is that we are Beacons for life!” Are you f—ing serious, Tom? You must be so proud of yourself coming up with that witty little one-liner—replacing “Beacons” with “Patriots” must’ve taken so much brain power! I don’t care if 90 percent of the New England population is made up of Patriots fans, I will root for the New York Giants in spite of you, and I’m sure everybody here at Columbia Point will agree with me. 

What an absolute joke! Hell, he even tried to mimic the Chancellor, too. He had to take pay cuts to build a better team; the Chancellor didn’t need to because—contrary to what he said in his commencement speech—he truly doesn’t need any help around him and deserves every cent he earns. Stop asking Patriot Nation to make posters and shirtseys mocking him and having you dress up as our Deac—Beacon of light. You are not the saving grace of this franchise, and you never will be, that was reserved for Tim Tebow a long time ago. 

The man disrespected not only the spirit and integrity of Beacons all across the globe, but he tried to deflate them in the process, stealing everything he knows from people more successful than he could ever be. What’s next? Is he gonna steal Peyton Manning’s idea of maintaining a receding hairline that’s too far gone? Is he gonna make appearances on Fox Sports to prolong his persona as Gronk’s mini-me like he’s been doing for the past decade and a half? Go right ahead Tom, the Patriots don’t need you, Tampa Bay doesn’t need you, not even New England f—ing needs you. 

And you know what the best part of all of this is?  After twenty three years of taking every ounce of credit for all the success the New England Patriots ever had, you had the audacity to not even blow us a kiss goodbye. All you did was ghost us with no remorse instead of giving us the love we deserved. But you, me and everyone else on the man’s green earth knows that there is something you will always lack that the chancellor will forever hold over your nine diamond rings: perfection.


  1. Thank You, Tom Brady Halftime Retirement Ceremony – YouTube




About the Contributors
Nick Collins, Sports Editor
Bianca Oppedisano, Illustrator