The following is completely true:
On Sept. 4, the Mass Media published an article reporting the construction of new parking lots on campus.
An excerpt from the article reads, “Because UMass Boston is built on a landfill, 20 percent of the dirt will be toxic and will have to be disposed of.” It is some great fodder for a joke.
Here’s a few the Mass Media staff came up with:

• Still, the dirt is much safer to eat than the cafeteria food.

• In one of the earliest efforts at “greening” the campus, the Wheatley and McCormack Halls were made exclusively with materials found in the dump.

• One synchronized flush of all the toilets on campus creates a collective whoosh that sends methane gas up the Science Building gas stacks; this lights them up like 100-foot-high sparklers, making UMass Boston a must-stop on the 4th of July.

• When asked why the dirt is only now being disposed of a university spokesperson stuck her fingers in her ears, ran into her office and started singing, “La la la I can’t hear you.”

Here’s a few from student CJ Martinez

• With 20% of the dirt being removed, we’ll never have enough land to build dorms.  
• At least people can’t say UMB students are dirt poor anymore.  
• The dirt was never contaminated. The staff and students are just so damn radiant!  
• How many UMB students does it take to change a light bulb? None, just place the lightbulb on our dirt and wait a couple days.  
• I always thought the “Beacon” in the mascot was from a lighthouse. Now I know it’s actually coming from the toxic waste under our university.  
• Umass Boston: You’ll be radiating with joy!  
• A UMB student asks the chemistry professor how half-lives work. The professor responds: “Take a sample of dirt outside and I’ll show you.”