Anonymous asked: Love is a very subjective matter in terms of importance, but I strongly feel that it is something we, as humans, want; maybe even need! How far is too far when it comes to doing something for someone you love in a romantic sense?
I get the desire to go above and beyond for someone you love, I really do. And like you say, love is subjective and different from person to person. It sounds like you have a certain someone in mind, and there’s more to your question than you’ve laid out, so I feel I can only respond in a general way:
Infatuation and romantic love are two different things. I think that movies and television make it out to seem that stalking is romantic, violence is sexy, and silence is the same as consent; that is not the case. The definition of “going too far” will definitely vary depending on a lot of factors, like your and his or her personality and past relationships. A surprise birthday party can be either exactly what you didn’t know you wanted or the very kind of spontaneity you despise, and could be construed as having gone too far.
I strongly advise you to talk to the person you love. I think that if this person really loves you back, he or she will be up for a conversation about boundaries and limits, likes and dislikes. Maybe you feel awkward or uncomfortable thinking about doing this, but ultimately you’ll feel better off having talked to this person to figure out what “going too far” means.
I think this goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: It is definitely going too far if you feel hurt or used in any way— physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. If you feel like you or the person you love have gone too far, there are resources available to you:
Emerge (if you think you’ve gone too far. This organization is based in Cambridge)
Casa Myrna Vasquez (if you think your partner has gone too far. This organization is based in Boston)
Email Ms. Media, or ask her a question on Tumblr.