If you’re anything like me, you want to go to class, sit down quietly, and stare at your professor with a blank expression on your face, while thinking to yourself, “what time is this fucking class over?” Oh and maybe learn a few things along the way.
Classes are already torturous enough as it is. There’s no possible way they could get worse, right? Wrong. There’s at least one thing that can make an already terrible classes even more unbearable: the person sitting next to you.
Of course, not everyone who sits beside you is gonna make you say, “Screw it, an education isn’t worth being in the same class as this dude. I’m out!” But there are a few kinds of people you might want to avoid sitting beside.
The Overly Friendly Guy/Girl: You have to be very wary of these. They are masters of disguise. They slink into class under the guise of being regular non-creepy students, sit next to you, make small talk and let you get comfortable with them. However, that comfort doesn’t last very long. They’ll probably start to ask you questions that get increasingly weird and personal— “do you like this class?” “Do you like cheese? You look like you like cheese.” “How do you feel about Jews?”
Interrogation completed, these obsequious bastards will then tell you their life stories and about how they almost got to second base that one time. At the end of class, while you’re trying to make a quick getaway, the Overly Friendly Guy/Girl will be expecting a hug. Run as fast as you can from that class and drop it. Not that you were gonna pass anyway.
The “I’m Too Smart for this Class” Person: The worst mistake you could make while sitting next to an egomaniacal nerd is to ask questions when you’re stumped. They’re gonna talk over you—the one asking the question—and also talk over the professor in their bid to show you how vastly superior their Boston Public School knowledge is to everyone else’s. Even when you finally give in and say you understand the concept, they’ll give you a pitiful look (the type one gives a truant child “who should know better”) and keep on explaining.
They’ll even follow you around after class, waving the textbook in your face while screaming, “Let me save you! Why won’t you let me save you?” Good luck getting outta that pickle.
The Borrower Who Never Gives Back: There are thieves, racists, murderers, thieving racist murderers and then there are these guys. It’s already difficult enough to keep a pen for more than one week as it is, then these guys come along and make it even worse. And it’s not just our pens, it’s our syllabi, our textbooks, and our very souls.
They’re all like, “Hey man, can I take a look at your textbook/pen for a second?” But what they really mean is, “Hey I don’t have a textbook/pen so I’m gonna act like I’m borrowing yours except I’ll never give it back. Haha sucker!”