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The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

“Hung Over” Student Admits: Just Trying to Sound Cool

Sophomore Matt Fisher admitted yesterday that he did not consume any alcohol Thursday night, three days after media outlets reported on his supposed wild night and the hang over that ensued.

Fisher apologized for misleading the public but did not provide a detailed explanation for his behavior.

“I wasn’t actually hung over in class on Friday,” said the 20-year-old political science major.  “I was just tired.”

After being pressed, he conceded that he “thought it would sound cool” to say he was hung over.

Fisher, who usually sits in the back of his introduction to international relations class, caused a stir on Friday when he was overheard by his peers describing in detail a night that involved public intoxication, indecent exposure and operating a motor vehicle under the influence of alcohol.

“He was talking on the phone before class,” said Felicia Huefert, who was sitting in front of Fisher. “He mentioned he drank a bunch of beer and vodka, ended up having sex in a car, and biked home at five in the morning,” she said.

Other students testified they noticed Fisher was wearing a hoodie that covered his eyes, speaking in a raspy voice and repeatedly rubbing his temples.

Fisher made his announcement yesterday after growing skepticism about his story led some members of the community to demand proof.

“I don’t for a second believe Fisher had sex Thursday night, or ever in his life for this matter, and I’d like to see a shred of evidence that can prove otherwise,” said an administrator who requested to remain anonymous.

The administrator claimed she was not surprised by Fisher’s announcement.

“The kid barely passes for a 12-year-old,” she said.

Following Fisher’s press conference on Thursday night, some of his classmates questioned the original incident that sparked the controversy.

“Honestly, I don’t even think he was talking to anyone on the phone,” said Andrew Massengeir. “He was probably just pretending.”

This incident comes only two weeks after the girl who has dreadlocks and wears flowing skirts and flowers in her hair admitted to having  never smoked marijuana in her life after getting caught with neither rolling papers nor a lighter in the campus lounge.