UMass Boston's independent, student-run newspaper

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

2-26-24 PDF
February 26, 2024
An inside look at Bobby B. Beacon’s insides. Illustrated by Bianca Oppedisano/ Mass Media Staff.
Bobby's Inside Story
February 26, 2024

Professor’s Fart Surprises, Delights Students

Any connection between the person pictured here to this fictional article is purely coincidental

Professor Ruth Fiddleback’s English 102 class was interrupted Monday morning when the sound of flatulence was heard from behind the podium.

“I looked up from my notes and immediately noticed the relief spreading over professor Fiddleback’s face,” said Theresa Hossfeld, who was sitting in the front row.

According to witnesses, the release of gas was segmented into four distinct parts and was probably amplified due to a slight echo effect in the classroom.

“It started out reluctantly, more like stutter,” said freshman Charlie Stewart. “At first it was loud and short, and it sounded kind of forced.”

Soon the flatulence picked up, and some estimate that the fourth episode rambled for nearly seven seconds.

“It really resonated,” Stewart said.

Fiddleback, who has been teaching at UMB for nearly 12 years, acknowledged the incident with a smile and continued her lecture as usual. She declined to comment, but her husband, who answered the phone at their home in Newton, said he was not surprised.

“Ruth passes wind quite often,” he said. “It must be something in her diet.”

When asked if the gas left any particular odor, some students described it as savory but very subtle. Others said they couldn’t smell anything at all.

“It was an empty threat type of situation,” said Biology major Stephen Miller, who was sitting in the back.

Monday’s extraordinary experience left a mark on students. Transfer student Will Morris said he now has more respect for Fiddleback, and he intends to improve his work in the class, hoping to get as much as a B- on his next paper.

“She was such a good sport about it,” he said. “For the first time since starting school, I felt like a professor is actually a real person.”

Other students agreed that they would not forget the incident anytime soon.

“It really stayed with me,” said Stewart. “I think about it all the time, and I’ve told all of my friends. This type of thing happens once in a lifetime,” he added.