Three students were arrested in a Wheatley Hall staircase on Wednesday, February 20 for misdemeanor possession of a class D substance (marijuana) and misdemeanor possession of a class B substance (amphetamines). The trio, Chistopher Frank Masciari, 19, of Belmont, Joseph David Jebari, 20, of Belmont, and Jacob Ellis, 19, of Watertown, were discovered by Officer Jenkins of the campus police after he smelled a suspicious substance wafting up the stairway. Upon further investigation, Officer Jenkins discovered the three students in a landing further down the staircase with what was described as “suspicious debris” on the floor next to them. A search of their persons revealed Ellis to be in possession of a small amount of marijuana and all three to be in possession of amphetamines for which they had no prescription. All three posted bail and were released on their own recognizance.

Just to recap: You decide to smoke weed, so you go the stairway in one of the most used buildings on campus in the middle of the day in the middle of a school week. You are alerted to the presence of an approaching police officer, so you hide the evidence of your crime in a place where no one would ever find it: on the ground right next to you in plain sight. How do you go about keeping a low profile and covering up your crime? You go directly to the office of the student newspaper of your slow, commuter campus and tell them, firstly, that you have been arrested for committing a crime, secondly, you give them all of your names with correct spelling and thirdly, you request that your name be left out of the story.

Whether the dumber part of this crime was committing the act itself or telling the newspaper, a week after the fact no less, is a matter still up for discussion. Just remember kids: high and oblivious is no way to go through life.