Jay Z and Beyoncé tie the knot. Everyone’s favorite HOVA and half of Destiny’s Child (because who really counts Michelle Williams anyways?) tied the knot at his NYC apartment last week. Sources report that vans of food and flowers galore were seen among the hustle and bustle outside of Jay’s Big Apple crib. Guests included Kelly Rowland, Gwyneth Paltrow and, of course, Beyoncé’s parents. It was a “small but lavish” affair a guest was quoted on saying. Beyoncé: Independent Woman no more.

ITZ OVR! Country crooner Carrie Underwood and C-lister Chace Crawford, of Gossip Girl fame, apparently have broken up in a rather unlikely way: via text message! Underwood tells the press that the two just “didn’t work out” and that the text message was something along the lines of “peace out!” Hey, if Carrie Underwood were to break up with me, I’d take a text over a Louisville Slugger any day.

Lindsey Lohan considering Botox. The starlet-turned-junkie-turned-freakin’ Gandhi is “really considering” Botox or other age-reversing cosmetic procedures to undo the years she’s partied. She had admitted that her life of ongoing partying has aged her and that she wants to try to reverse the damage caused by her lifestyle “mistakes” of drinking and drugging it up. Little does she know, Botox can only fix so much and can’t undo all her mistakes, like “Georgia Rule.” Or “I Know Who Killed Me.” Or Wilmer Valderrama.

Lynne Spears demands a prenup for daughter Jamie Lynne and her sperm donor baby daddy Casey Aldridge. Lynne is worried that when the two tie the knot (then inevitably divorce like the two elder Spear’s gals), she wants to protect Jamie Lynne’s assets and all of her money. Jamie Lynne is fighting, of course, saying she’ll be with Casey forever. Give it up Lynne. You couldn’t protect her chastity, what makes you think you can protect her millions of dollars and her Bratz dolls collection?