April 810:30AM-Campus Police responded to an employee in the Quinn Administration Building who was making irrational and threatening remarks. The individual was apparently threatening to lower fees, provide more need based financial aid and lower the cost of textbooks. The party was removed from the building and was last seen being escorted into a deserted section of the substructure in the company of two members of President Wilson’s imperial honor guard, who emerged a short time later by themselves.

April 1012:25PM-A suspicious person who appeared disoriented was reported in the Campus Center. The individual, an Atlanta Hawks fan, was still recovering from the shock of finding out that the woeful team had actually qualified for the playoffs. The party was transported to a nearby ESPNZone and given an order of chili cheese fries. A full recovery is expected.1:29PM-An individual reported a hit and run in the South Lot that occurred ten days earlier on March 31, but that she had failed to report until now. She also reported other past incidents that had gone unreported, such as a couple summers ago when someone spilled coffee on her while riding the T and one time in second grade when Jimmy Hammond stole her crayons. The hit and run driver is still at large, but the crayons have been recovered and returned to their rightful owner.

2:08PM-Campus Police responded to a medical assist in Wheatley Hall when an individual reported falling and hurting their ankle. The student was reportedly fleeing from their responsibility in voting in the student elections along with the other 98% of the student body that failed to participate. A full recovery for the student is expected, although the democratic process on campus remains in critical condition.

Comments about or outside of the police log events are written by the Mass Media and do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of UMass Boston’s Public Safety office.