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UMass Boston's independent, student-run newspaper

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

3-4-24 PDF
March 4, 2024
2-26-24 PDF
February 26, 2024
An inside look at Bobby B. Beacon’s insides. Illustrated by Bianca Oppedisano/ Mass Media Staff.
Bobby's Inside Story
February 26, 2024

Police Log

Police Log
Police Log

February 58:32 AM- An accident was reported between a car and a bus on Campus Center Drive. The driver, apparently returning from a Toga party, had borrowed his parent’s car without their permission. Luckily, A.C. Slater was able to repair the damage before anyone found out and everyone learned a valuable lesson about responsibility.

12:15 PM- An assault was reported outside the Jazzman Café when an argument between two students, one a charming schemer and the other the schools sports star, escalated into pushing. The altercation is believed to be related to an ongoing conflict between the pair relating to who would take Kelly Kapowski to the dance contest at The Max hosted by Casey Kasem.

3:40 PM- A student reported being harassed by someone who was “screwing with their locker”. It is believed that this was an attempt by Bayside High rival Pacific Coast High to distract the student, Samuel “Screech” Powers, from an upcoming chess tournament between the schools.

February 72:00 PM- A student was reported for disorderly conduct after causing a scene while arguing about a bill in the College of Continuing Education. Apparently, the student was upset because her father had just lost his job and she could no longer afford to go to prom, having donated her savings to help out the family. In the end, her date Zack Morris came through and set up a candlelight dinner outside the gym where Kelly had the time of her life.

5:20 PM- A medical assist was reported in the campus center to aid a student who had fainted. School nerd and resident robot manufacturer Screech Powers apparently lost consciousness after receiving a kiss on the cheek from aspiring fashion designer Lisa Turtle. Powers was transported to the hospital and is in stable condition.

February 115:25 PM- A medical assist was requested in the campus center to aid a female student who was apparently displaying erratic behavior and “having issues”. The student had left by the time campus police arrived on the scene, but further investigation revealed that the student, later identified as Jesse Spano, had been experimenting with caffeine pills in order to extend her study hours. Onlookers reported Spano acting “hyper” and at one point she was heard to say “I’m so excited…I’m so scared!”