January 2912:50pm- A hit and run was reported on university drive. Now why would you run if you were trying to get away; You already have a car, wouldn’t it be faster to hit and drive? Just a thought.

January 309:05pm- Campus police responded to a request for assistance made by police on University drive west. Upon arrival there was no visible disturbance, but a purple blob could be seen disappearing into the night and more than one officer reported hearing a “robble robble” echoing in the distance.

January 312:50pm- A larceny was reported in the McCormack building. A party reported that when they were just about to bite into their hamburger, it disappeared out of their hands in a flash of black and white stripes.

3:54pm- A larceny was reported in the Campus Center. An individual reported another mysterious hamburger disappearance, although this time it was accompanied by the theft of a milkshake. Damn you Hamburglar!! Grimace is considered a person of interest.

5:41pm- A medical assist was requested in the Campus Center. Mayor McCheese, called in to deal with the Hamburglar situation, sustained a small bite mark in his head when a hungry student attempted to eat it mistaking it for an actual cheeseburger. McCheese was transported to an area McDonalds for a head replacement and a full recovery is expected. The Hamburglar remains at large; a hamburger advisory has been put into effect.

Comments about or outside of the police log events are written by the Mass Media and do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of UMass Boston’s Public Safety office.