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The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

2-26-24 PDF
February 26, 2024
An inside look at Bobby B. Beacon’s insides. Illustrated by Bianca Oppedisano/ Mass Media Staff.
Bobby's Inside Story
February 26, 2024

Shot of Arts

Girls Next Door No More. According to Playboy brainiac Bridget Marquardt, both her flaky counterparts are packing their things and moving out of the Playboy Mansion. Rumors have been flying on the girls’ split ever since Holly and Kendra started having a beef over who was the better girlfriend to octogenarian Hugh Hefner, followed by the breakup of Holly and Hef, and his shackin’ up with two 19-year-old twins in place of H and K. Good news for the gals though: if their show doesn’t work out, it’s the perfect time to take up a job at the holiday displays at Macy’s standing as a plastic mannequin in the shop window. The resemblance is uncanny.

Speaking of 19-Year-Olds…U2 frontman Bono was spotted mackin’ on two 19-year-old gals while sailing on a yacht (which belongs to fellow U2-er The Edge). Sources who saw the three flirting and giggling claim that Bono was touching and making out with the girls and that they were extremely scantily clad. Now, I’m sure that he was simply informing the two nubile barely legal blondes in bikinis about the crisis in Africa and the need for increased awareness of ways that we as individuals can make a difference in the lives of thousands by dedicating our time and passion. The touchy-feeliness was a metaphor of how one person can touch more than one person with their passion.

Apparently She Really Is A Jinx! On the heels of her beau Tony Romo’s broken pinky finger (aw poor baby!), Jessica Simpson’s uber-famous hairstylist and best friend Ken Paves was rushed to the hospital for injuries sustained at the vicious hands of the paparazzi. The flat-ironed coiffeur was left with a bloody eye after being hit in the eye with a camera. No word whether Jess was wearing her pink “Paves” jersey at the time of the embarrassing beating.

It Is Oscar Season…The Jonas Brothers will star in a film about a farting dog. Is a punch line really necessary?

Does Anyone Care? Tori Spelling, apparently believing that people care about her weight (or her career at all) has come out and said that she has been struggling to shed the last of her baby weight. Spelling and her husband Dean McDermott had baby Stella in June and Spelling finds the pictures of Jessica “I’m a Freak of Nature” Alba and her dramatic post-baby shape up “discouraging” and that she is just like any normal woman who struggles with losing their baby weight. Funny, because the word I associate with Spelling’s career is also “discouraging.”It Is Oscar Season…The Jonas Brothers will star in a film about a farting dog. Is a punch line really necessary?